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What is Breadcrumbing?

Nowadays, many dating or relationships start virtually or spend a significant part of the relationships in the virtual world. Although this has some benefits, there are also serious disadvantages to meeting and dating online in the online world. One of them is that it makes throwing bread crumbs much easier.

Breadcrumbing, particularly in the field of online dating, is a communication behavior in which a person occasionally (pay attention here - occasionally) sends flirtatious or attention-seeking messages to someone with whom they have little interest in pursuing a relationship.

People who commit breadcrumbing often send intermittent and inconsistent messages, giving the recipient or let's say victim, the impression that there may be false hope or potential for a romantic relationship. He or she may occasionally like or comment on social media posts and occasionally send emojis or messages. They may use other methods to maintain minimal communication without spending significant time or effort.

For the person on the receiving end of the breadcrumb, this can be emotionally manipulative and confusing, as they may interpret the occasional attention as a sign of genuine interest, but feel let down or frustrated when communication is lost again. This, in many cases, can lead to addiction on the part of the party receiving the breadcrumbs through intermittent reinforcement.

Here's an example of typical breadcrumb behavior:

  • Writing a long message and after that not responding to a message for a long time and not explaining why they are disappeared.

  • Pretending to plan a hangout but never meeting actually. And finding dozens of excuses.

  • Looking at the texter's social media publications while not responding to actual messages.

  • Wanting to have sex but not willing to spend any time besides having sex.

  • To talk like interested, even come for a date, but not get any sincerity or physical.

  • "I'm not ready yet", "I need time", "I don't want a relationship", "I want to be with you whenever I want", "you are exactly what I'm looking for but I don't want a relationship right now", "you seem very good to me but let's continue as friends" (who knows what it will turn into next), etc.

The person who throws crumbs does not want the other person to leave completely or lose interest in them. So if the victim goes out of orbit, they pay more attention to it, but once the victim is in orbit, he starts behaving the same way as before.

The victims think that the person who throws bread crumbs actually has an interest in them, but for various reasons (they don't have time to meet, they are not ready right now, they barely get warm, etc.) this hasn't turned into a real relationship yet. This delusion stems not only from victims own naivety, but also from the bread crumbs thrown in front of them.

It should also be noted that, although most breadcrumbing occurs consciously, many "breadcrumbs" actually occur as a result of the other party's ordinary, meaningless behavior being perceived as a "sign of interest" by the highly interested party.

For example, a man who likes a girl at the same work place but at the same time he is rejected by her. He interprets the girl's smile at him which is actually part of their co-workership, and most probably that girl looks at 100 random spots in the office. However the guy receives this as "the girl puts attention on me from time to time, bro", and then if the girl's slightly flirty conversation happens with her friend, then our guy is commenting, "She's trying to make me jealous acting like this bro."

Why do people throw bread crumbs?

The first reason that comes to mind is, of course, to keep the person to whom they throw crumbs in reserve. The person who throws bread crumbs may have an alternative that they like more, or they may have a partner that they have not broken up with yet, but with whom things are not going so well.

The second reason is to get attention or to have sex even though the other person does not even see them as a spare alternative. In this case, the woman wants to keep alive the hope that one day she will have a relationship with the man she has a crush on, and the man wants to keep alive the hope that one day he will have a relationship with the woman he has a crush on. But even if these people are alone, they never think of a relationship with the person or people they throw crumbs to. Many person also do this for free food and entertainment.

The third reason is loneliness. A person may not want you at all, but texting, talking, and even meeting with you may be better than feeling sorry for themselves while watching TV series and eating beans at home.

The fourth reason, and this is specific to ex-lovers, t is that they are not yet ready to remove the person they left from their life. The person leave their partner, but consciously or unconsciously throws crumbs of hope at his ex-partner in order to keep them as a "friend" in their life until they get over the pain of separation.

What can you do against breadcrumbs?

In fact, this is one of the important themes on this article.

You send messages but if they don't come when you ask them to meet twice, let them go,

If they continue to reach out to you even if you don't, let them go,

If you can't go anywhere after 4-5 dates and you're still hanging out with friends, leave them,

Cut off communication with your ex, etc.

But more importantly, placing a high value on yourself in the emotion market, believing that you will find someone who will give you that value, and turning your back on those who try to keep you in reserve and use you with crumbs well below that value.

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You set the example for how others should treat you, so don't tolerate poor treatment

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